Lost in the In Between
M. and I have been married for three months now and lately, I find myself feeling a little lost. I don’t feel lost in my relationship, I actually feel like M. and I have never been better. We’re communicating great and really listening and trying to support one another the best way we can. Where I’m feeling lost is more in my social life. It’s like I’m in this weird place in between the Moms and the Single Ladies.
We definitely want to have kids, and who knows when we might be lucky enough to have that happen, but right now, we don’t have kids, so I can’t relate to those women. But I’m married and not interested in staying out until 2am; I’m not interested in frequenting a loud crowded bar to shout across the table at my friends; I don’t get crushes; I don’t date. It’s weird.
I’m not trying to throw judgment out into the air at either of these wonderful types of women. If anything, I’m a little jealous of both of them. I do want to be a mother and I want to create life and know there’s a little person in this world that relies on me in a way no one else ever has. And part of me is sad that I’ll never be a single lady out in the dating world ever again. I’ll never get that tingle about a first kiss ever again.
The grass is always greener, though, so I know in reality I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in my own life, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to find where the “now” me fits in. I often feel left out of the Mom events, and don’t necessarily want to participate in the Single Lady events. So where do I go? I don’t really know, but I guess figuring that out is all part of growing up and evolving and just living life…
blog erin, blog! 