Posts Tagged ‘ life ’

Lost in the In Between

M. and I have been married for three months now and lately, I find myself feeling a little lost.  I don’t feel lost in my relationship, I actually feel like M. and I have never been better.  We’re communicating great and really listening and trying to support one another the best way we can.  Where I’m feeling lost is more in my social life.  It’s like I’m in this weird place in between the Moms and the Single Ladies.

We definitely want to have kids, and who knows when we might be lucky enough to have that happen, but right now, we don’t have kids, so I can’t relate to those women.  But I’m married and not interested in staying out until 2am; I’m not interested in frequenting a loud crowded bar to shout across the table at my friends; I don’t get crushes; I don’t date.  It’s weird.

I’m not trying to throw judgment out into the air at either of these wonderful types of women.  If anything, I’m a little jealous of both of them.  I do want to be a mother and I want to create life and know there’s a little person in this world that relies on me in a way no one else ever has.  And part of me is sad that I’ll never be a single lady out in the dating world ever again.  I’ll never get that tingle about a first kiss ever again.

The grass is always greener, though, so I know in reality I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in my own life, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to find where the “now” me fits in.  I often feel left out of the Mom events, and don’t necessarily want to participate in the Single Lady events.  So where do I go?  I don’t really know, but I guess figuring that out is all part of growing up and evolving and just living life…

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We bare our souls and tell the most appalling secrets

These days, for my friends and myself, life is busy.  Trying to schedule a simple dinner can take weeks and a double date – damn near impossible.  And it’s these days, that things are really starting to happen to us, things that are serious, like engagements, marriages, adult dating (very different from high school/college dating), the talk of babies, medical issues we’ve never had to deal with (and definitely never had to deal with without our Mom’s close by), having careers to nourish (not just jobs to show up at), purchasing our own homes, living with boys… you pick anything in that list I just named, and I have at least two friends going through it as we speak.  I hate to throw in the old cliché idea of when did we get so old? but I do feel like responsibility just sort of crept up on us, and now we’re there, without a guide book, with merely our own common sense and our friends who are dealing with the same issues to lean on.  Don’t get me wrong, we all have our families too, most of them just a phone call away, if not closer, but sometimes, parents just don’t understand (thank you, Will Smith).

I guess I don’t really have a point to this blog, other than to say, I’m here.  I’m here, lost in the woods, completely overwhelmed, without my guide book.  So don’t think you’re alone, and don’t think you have to keep it all to yourself.  In fact, if any of you ever want to escape from the woods and go grab a drink, just let me know, and I’ll be there, because we need to stick together.  We need to rely on one another, and we need to trust in each other that no matter what you’re going through, someone else is going through it too, and lord knows, going at with a good friend close by is a lot easier than going at it alone.