If you happen to run into me in the next week, I’m gonna go ahead and apologize right now

So remember a month ago when I was all like, “pssh, it’s only five weeks!” and “I’ll be productive while future-hubby is away, yay!”  Okay, well a month has passed, and I’ve been productive, and I’m not gonna lie, now I just really freakin’ miss him and it’s causing me to be a little extra grumpy/sensitive.  It could also be the hunger from my diet talking, but either way, I apologize if you happen to experience any of this emotion first hand.

All of this is also probably a result of the fact that I found out yesterday there is a chance he might be home two weeks later than originally planned.  Now, I know, it’s only two weeks and I know it’s not definitely going to happen, but let me restate – I really freakin’ miss him.  Even when we were dating long distance the most we ever spent apart was seven weeks (which is what this would be if he’s two weeks late coming home) AND toward the end of our long-distance-ness it was more like every four weeks (which is probably why I’m starting to go stir crazy now) AND I haven’t done this in almost two years, so I’m not used to it anymore.  I’m used to coming home and having him there to talk to and to fall asleep next to and to kiss me good morning.  I’m used to having him in my life everyday.

Now at this point you may be thinking, you’re marrying a military man, shouldn’t you know this is part of what you’re signing up for?  Well sure, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him.  He’s my best friend, my roommate and my love, and to have all three of those things missing at the same time just gets tough sometimes.  There are days where I keep busy and (of course I think of him), but I don’t really wallow in it, I just live the life I’m given that day.  And then there are other days that are just harder, for no real reason at all, they’re just harder.

Through this whole relationship, I have come to find that how well I handle the time apart is completely dependent on my awareness of the situation and my expectations.  If my expectation is that he’s going to be gone for six weeks, then okay, I’ll deal with it, sure I’ll get excited/anxious toward the end, but that’s because I know I can.  And when the time comes that I know he’s going to be gone for a year, I’m going to suck it up and put on my strong face and push through that year.  Will there be hard days?  Yes.  But I’m a strong girl, and I can handle it.  So I guess with everything happening right now, since my expectation was that he’d be gone for five weeks, and now there’s a chance it will be seven weeks, it’s throwing my whole game off.  I thought I was on the downhill, I thought it was almost over, but now I just might be at the halfway point, and that is a major bummer.

Okay, I’m done.  I think I just needed to get all of that worry off my chest.  Now I’m just going to think positive and hope he comes home on time, which is (cross your fingers) only a week away.  And in all honesty, whether it’s one more week or three more weeks, I know I’ll be okay, and it’ll just make getting that first hug and kiss from him at the airport that much better.

  1. Two comments:
    #1 – Hang in there little sister!
    #2 – I’m a little nervous about this weekend… 😛

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