I’m not engaged

Nor have I ever been engaged, but I’ll admit it – I have thought about my wedding once or twice or, you know, fifty times.  I wasn’t the girl who was drawing gowns or picking wedding colors at age 5, no, I was never that bad.  But I was the girl who was envisioning bridesmaids at age 12.  Who would stand next to me on that most important day seemed much more pertinent to me than what color dress they would be wearing (I’m not judging, I’m just not a color girl).  And it all started with a pinky swear – a pinky swear made between two sisters (while shopping at a thrift store and making fun of hideous bridesmaid gowns begging to be worn a second time).  Yes, my big sister was about 16 and I was a mere 12 when we pinky swore we’d be each other’s Maids of Honor.  Sure, our wedding days were years and years (okay, a decade plus) away, but that didn’t matter, a pinky swear was a pinky swear, and so it was set – I knew who my MOH would be.  But there were still bridesmaid spots left open – so who would fill them?

The list has definitely evolved in the last 13 years, and as the reality of having to choose comes closer (I know I’m not there yet, but I’ll eventually be there one day!), I struggle more and more (and stress more and more).  There are the solid spot-fillers who have come in my life to stay – and proven that to me – but there are still other spots that I go back and forth on.  And I get angry at times with society for making the whole “bridesmaid” decision such a big deal (I guess I’m not really helping that factor by debating the whole thing prior to even being engaged, lol, but whatever!).  I’m serious, though, you should just be allowed to choose whoever you want without feeling guilty or without people assuming they deserve a place next to you.  It’s times like these I wish I cared less what people thought and tried less to please everyone else (as opposed to myself!).

I dunno, maybe if I just pick an ugly dress, my true friends will stand next to me, and the ones who just want to be up there to look pretty will fall by the wayside?  Maybe?  I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see…

  1. Hey, that plan is fine by me, just so long as only the bridesmaids have to wear the ugly dress!!!

  2. I was recently thinking about this exact list (also, not engaged… yet), and I came up with at least one man who needs to stand in my party. Brian has at least one girl, so we’ll be pretty evenly matched. We actually chatted about who we might want to be in our wedding party, and he came up with the same dilemma – he was choosing based on who he thought it would mean the most to. Ugh! I’m going to do my best to make wedding decisions for myself (well, for US), and not for those who participate (or attend). Ya know?

    • I do know! Lol. I know EXACTLY what you mean! And I know where Brian is coming from thinking about choosing people based on who he thinks would want to be in his bridal party, not necessarily who HE wants.

      But you have the right idea – gotta make decisions for you two, not for anyone else! 🙂

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