Do you ever just…

…feel like you don’t fit in?  I feel that way all the time.  Especially when I’m at work – I just feel like I’m always being judged and I’m on the outside.  Like the little giggling I hear between cubicles is pointed at me.  Like there’s always someone who feels like what I’m doing isn’t the right thing to be doing.  Ugh.  It really wears on me after awhile, too.  It’s too much work to please everyone, but it sucks to walk around feeling like a huge misfit.

Like seriously, where do I fit in?  Where am I supposed to go in this world?  What is my niche, how do I find it and how will I know it when I get to where I’m going?  Where the hell am I going?!  Every now and then I’ll think I’m moving in the right direction, but then I hit a road block.  Whether it’s the people or the subject or the event that’s occuring at that time.  ROAD BLOCK.  I just can’t seem to get up on my own two feet and feel confident enough to stand my ground.  To believe in myself.

I want to believe in myself.  Believe that I deserve to be where I am.  Believe that I’m good enough to do this and I CAN do this.  Get that crazy notion out of my head that people even care enough about me to judge me.  STOP WORRYING.  I want to just stop worrying about what other people think.  I want to be me – whoever the hell me is – that’s who I want to be and I want to be proud to be me.

Sigh.  Today was hard.

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  1. I’m sorry 😦 I don’t have a magic answer for you, but at least you know you always fit in with your family! Making friends at work is hard. It’s nothing like it used to be in school — why is it so much harder? You’d think, if anything, it should be easier since we’re all supposed to be more mature…

    • The Wise MP
    • May 2nd, 2010

    New jobs are always hard. Eventually you’ll find your niche when you least expect it and things will go more smoothly. In the meantime just chew nails. It always seems to help me. Oh don’t forget to spit them out when you’re done chewing.

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